my god just kill me this class is borrrrrinnnngggggggggggggg

sometimes i say things that i will not ever do again but im so hard headed and sometimes i will go against what i preach or what i say. like it is so easy to say but yet it is hard to do especially if the feelings are still lingering. but i cant help my feelings. in all honesty as much as i want to get over you, it gets really hard to and i cant. but slowly i will and it will be the best for both of us…

so ive moved on to being an LVN. and crap so far i haven not taken any of it seriously… like i have a test tomorrow and i havent even opened my book… wonderful. i dont know whats wrong with me and why i cant just focus or whatever i want to be successful but im so lazy. yeas ive said it. LAZY. and i dont know why. all my life ive been slacking my way thru school and for some reason i never really “failed” but this time i really should try… i payed 25,000 for tuition.. and i have to pay all that shit back sooooooo since i dont wanna be in debt my whole life. i guess my plan is to start saving now… gah… i have so much to pay for and im already broke as shit… payed for meds and school and food… being an adult it hard. wait trying to be an independent adult is hard…. i have made so much sacrifices, esp to my social life… no time for my friends barley any time with family.. and i barely have me time.. sighhhh one more year and im straight just got 18 months… I GOT THIS….

its been bothering me for a while now. and i do feel bad but you have your story and i have mine, and if you care enough just listen. 

you stare at her with eyes that can burn through paper

and the feelings that run through your head are wildly unimaginable 

the way you see her, how happy she is, burns every bit of you inside

the fire engulfs your heart till it becomes shrivel and nothing can become of it

and now you are nothing but the bitter taste of alcohol you so once call your own company

but you have to come to realize that there is a deep sorrow in her heart and the emptiness you have left her in

the mistakes you put her through 

and the pain you unintentionally caused 

she found something to fill that void

she’s healed from the wounds

and shes recovering from her past.

maybe its time to put out the fire

for you have done what you could 

but now

you just have to let the smoke rise.